What to Say When Sexting: A Beginners Guide

Discover how to sext for the first time, how sexting can help long distance relationships and example sexts to send to your partner/s tonight! This is a beginners guide to sexting for every woman looking to improve her sex and relationships.


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Sexting- something apparently every 14 year old is doing and yet most 25 year olds inwardly cringe about.

Other than “what you wearing?” and “how you doing?” (in Joey’s voice obviously) where do you even begin?





In the spirit of giving you another tool to keep your relationship flowing, I thought I'd craft this little beginners guide to sexting.


Related: Discover 3 questions you should ask every partner before having sex with them!


If you want to know how to sext, what you should be sexting to your partner/s OR you're unsure if sexting is something you should be considering- read on.

I'm going to share why sexting is awesome for every relationship (particularly long distance relationships), examples of what to sext partner/s AND I'm going to share some top tips for sexting successfully.


What is Sexting, Really?


Firstly, let me break down what exactly sexting is and is not, and what it CAN BE for you and your relationship.


Sexting does NOT have to involve pictures! *Phew*


Sexting is perfectly under your control and with that it's worth remembering, there's no single way to put your desires down. Only you and your partner know exactly what will turn you on; SO DON'T PANIC- I can share sexting tips with you all day long but actually you just do you, boo.


Related: Discover 9 sex tips for women in long term relationships


Sexting can be a great form of foreplay AND a great bridge when there's a gap- either a literal gap (long distance partners I'm looking at you) or a lack of connection (relationships in need of some TLC to reconnect).


In a few single texts you can add some new excitement and adventure to your relationship- sexting is basically just another tool to keep the spark alive in your relationship.




Four Benefits to Sexting

1. It's *potentially* safer than photo's


If you’re not ready to send a sexy photo, or you're *rightly* cautious about what you send over tech, sexting messages is a great alternative.

You’re not putting yourself in such a vulnerable position- we all know revenge porn happens- and sexting gives you a chance to be super creative.

Plus you won’t have to turn into a pretzel to get into the most “camera ready” angles…Anyone else suffered the worst cramp ever just for a good selfie?


Related: Romantic relationships and social media- do they go together?


2. Sexting can be the first step


Similarly if you’re not ready or you’re insecure/ uncertain about sex in real life then sexting can be a great stepping stone.

Maybe you and/ or your partner aren’t ready to get all down and dirty in the bedroom yet but that doesn’t mean you can’t get to know that person on an intimate level in a different context.

Sexting can be your first step into the sexual world in the same way it can be used to spice up sex lives that have fallen flat.





3. It's a communication tool


You don't have to have it all figured out to start sexting, on the contrary you can use sexting to communicate, share and learn about desires/ fantasies/ limits.

Many people feel nervous talking about sex but they want too; they want to know what turns their partners on and off, and what their partner really wants from them.

Sexting can be a safe space to explore all of that without the fear of face to face embarrassment or rejection.

Start sexting and take note of how your partner responds and where the conversation goes; sexting can reveal some surprising things!




4. Sexting can keep the spark alive


As mentioned previously, sexting can be the glue in a long distance situation.

Long distance relationships- whether your partner works away a lot, lives in a different country or you only see each other at weekends- they pose all sorts of struggles but intimacy doesn’t have to be one of them.

You can be intimate with your partner, and keep the spark alive, by sexting.

Use the tech boom to your advantage and let your partner know you’re thinking of them, you appreciate them and you think they’re sexy as hell by sending a little sext.




Four Tips for Sexting

1. Stay in character


Don’t confuse the situation by flitting between different tones, characters and/ or language.

I know it’s really hard to resist using the cute emoji after telling your boyfriend you want to ride him like a pony, but if you’re sexting keep it sexy. In many ways you're actually playing a part.

You want your partner to know you mean business and to see you as the sexual goddess you are so keep it up all the way through.


Related: Learn how to feel less self conscious in the bedroom with your partner!



2. Be assertive not passive

I think as women we really struggle sometimes to take charge of our own sexual pleasure and even advocate for our own desires. This is a great opportunity to practice that.

Be dominant and take the reins; send the first sext and be active within the conversation, don’t leave it all up to your partner.

Being empowered and knowing what you want is a real turn on- for you and them!


3. Draw on past experiences


If you’re nervous, or don’t know what to say, draw on past experiences and memories as starting points- just make sure you're drawing on experiences you've had with this actual partner *oh the horror stories I've heard*

Refer to a time when you experienced great sexual pleasure or a time when you and your partner really connected or did something naughty.

A simple “Remember when..” can start the steamiest of conversations.


4. Get creative

Seriously, if all else fails use the eggplant and water drops emoji- emoji's are an awesome tool to convey meaning without having to actually find the words.


Tech has developed so much past actual text messages you can get creative and share your fantasies with your partners in many ways- think voice notes, memes, GIFs, emoji's or your favourite sexy websites!


Sharing what images or websites you're looking at with your partner while they're stuck in the office is SUPER hot- although make sure to preface the message with a NSFW notice!


Four Examples of What to Sext:

Examples of Sexts to Send to Your Partner


Ask questions- ask your partner what they want to do to you when they get home, ask them what they want you to do to them, ask them about their fantasies.


Draw on previous experiences- share with your partner how you like to masturbate, remind your partner of a particularly pleasurable experience you've had together, send your partner a message to thank them for your recent time together and detail what you want to do next time you see them.


Share your fantasies- get creative and share your ultimate fantasies OR little things you'd like your partner to do with you. The more detail the better!


Send a sex scene- for those interested in Erotic literature why not send a sex scene or a passage of the book you're reading to your partner and get them equally turned on? Tell them how turned on you are and what you'd like to do when you see them.




One More Key Piece of Advice Before You Sext:

Before you go sexting the whole of your phone book or your new squeeze from that dating app remember that sexting, just like any other sexual endeavour, is intimate and involves you being vulnerable.

So think about your intentions and what information you’re putting out there before you do.

Maybe avoid telling one-hit-wonder-William from POF that it turns you on to call your partners ‘Mr Motivator’? (Oops!)