Learn 8 self-care strategies for relationships! Discover how to improve your sex life (and look after YOU!) with simple self care tips!
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I'm sure you're wondering why I'm dedicating a whole blog to self-care, sex and relationships. There's plenty of self-care memes, guides and planners out there now that I know you're probably rolling your eyes at the thought of another one!
BUT this blog is important to me to write (and for you to read *ahem*) because when I was trying to improve my sex and relationships it was HARD and I know that self-care was super important in getting me through. I would have burned out completely if I hadn't been thinking about myself in all of this (you can read my story here).
When we're trying to better ourselves we often spend a HUGE amount of time focusing on the gap between where we are and where we want to be.
We end up reflecting on A LOT of negative stuff and if we're carrying all of that stuff around 24/7 that can annoyingly translate into feelings of sadness and easily undermine our sense of self-worth.
We need to get some back up in- a foundation that can pump us up when we're feeling pants. We need our self-care strategies babe!
Why Self Care is Key to Your Sex and Relationships
You can't build a good, healthy relationship and sex life if you're not taking care of yourself FACT.
Self-care is the key to good sex and relationships because self-care keeps you tip top so your relationships can be tip top too!
Also- a tiny bit of science for you- your brain is your biggest sex organ, so if you're turned off in life you're definitely turned off in the bedroom- there's no escaping that!
So, in today's blog I wanted to talk about some ways we can take care of ourselves whilst we're building our relationships.
Self-care strategies for our relationships and ourselves.
I've prepared 8 self-care strategies for you; some might seem familiar, some might cause you to do a little *sigh* but STICK WITH ME! They've all made this list for a reason and they're all going to support your sex and relationships eventually.
8 Self-Care Strategies For Our Relationships and Ourselves!
Nothing spells 'me time' more than masturbating! You can literally rub your troubles away (just don't take all your stress out and cause a forest fire babes).
Go all Barry White on yourself!
Yes you may feel silly to start with, but essentially all you're doing is romancing yourself. You're telling yourself you deserve this time and your sexuality is important.
You're helping yourself relax into the moment and treating yourself just as well as you'd treat a partner- what's wrong with that?
Sometimes it's about rubbing one out super quickly and getting that oxytocin hit; sometimes it's about taking some actual time and making you the star of the show.
Either way masturbation is a great addition to any self-care routine because it's all about you, as it should be.
Also, if one of the reasons you're visiting The Good Sex is because you'd like to reconnect with your body, adding masturbation into your self-care routine is absolutely KEY.
2. Educating yourself
For me a big part of self-care is finding time to better myself- especially when it comes to my sexual progression.
Yet, I know the first thing to drop off in my life when I'm stressed or busy is my time to read, listen to podcasts and watch movies- my me time.
I'm an absolute fiend for working too much and ignoring my body's calls to just chill out and absorb something new!
Obviously sometimes I want to watch something terribly tacky like Netflix's 'Cheapest Weddings' (AMAZING) but other times finding a moment to actually engage with some new information is the perfect escape from real life and makes me feel empowered.
Knowledge is power as they say, and there's nothing more empowering that having a moment to work on yourself with some new material.
They call us a woke generation for a reason remember!
Related: How to Be A Sex-Positive Feminist
The other, less sexy 'M' of the list.
All those negative thoughts and feelings we started this blog with need to be conquered, but firstly you have to create space in your mind.
Meditation won't solve all your problems; you can't meditate with expectations or perfection in mind. But, it will help you cope and support you in whatever is going on in your life.
And honestly, before you push this aside as unnecessary, tuning into yourself through meditation is one of the most useful steps you'll take to building your most fulfilling sex life.
Sex advice often focuses on what's wrong in a situation or what a person needs to fix to get to the ideal. This idea of 'wrong' is propped up by myths around what sex actually is, how to have real sex and how to be sexy- all the stereotypical rubbish we're surrounded with and it's our responsibility to fight through.
So, this is why before you start reading '6 Tips to Help Women Have Better Sex Today' or 'First Time Trying Kinky Play? Here's What You Need to Know...' you need to tune into yourself.
You need to find some space and work out who you are sexually, what you want and need and what sex means to you.
Otherwise the advice we all give- The Good Sex included- will overwhelm you and you won't build a sex life with YOU at the centre; you'll continue having someone else's sex.
Meditation is the best way to create space in your mind and bring everything back to you; ready to put the YOU back into your sex.
Related: My favourite book ever is one that was recommended to me by my GP. It's an 8 week course on mindfulness called 'Finding Peace in a Frantic World'
I use this book as others use religious texts, coming back to it for guidance continuously when I feel overwhelmed or stressed. Maybe it can help you? Click here to find out.
4. Talk about your sex life
When I was really struggling with sex I spent a lot of time listening to podcasts where women spoke openly about sex, and I read blogs wherein again sex was the main topic of conversation.
I immersed myself in this conversation because I recognised that it positively impacted my view of sex and my sexuality.
Hearing women openly discuss sex helped alleviate the feelings of shame I'd held onto for far too long, and the conversations spurred me on to engage with the women in my life about my sexual experiences- in turn helping to remove feelings of isolation.
If one of the reasons you've landed on this website is because you want the sex talk to be an option for you, or you're trying to build up your sexual confidence I HIGHLY recommend jumping into S.E.X as a general topic!
5. Invest in yourself
Okay, I'm well aware you cannot buy happiness, but I also know that within reason spending a little cash in the right places can have huge benefits.
And, importantly, as we're focusing on self-care supporting the journey to sexual fulfilment a little splurging could ease the path.
My sister always says to me 'invest in yourself' and I think that's the ultimate self-care- remembering your worth investing in. You're worth that £2.99 vibrator or that £30 shaggy rug that you'd like to bounce up and down on.
You don't need to go broke, but you do need to go big with self-care!
6. Be kind to yourself
Particularly when you're struggling, intervening in the critical narrative that you've undoubtedly got on a loop is KEY.
You should be your own best friend and your biggest champion!
Your thoughts can't always be trusted, and they are rarely fact, so make sure you ignore all those 'you're not good enough' moments or, even better, exchange them for a 'I'M MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH BABE' declaration
7. Say 'no'
During sex, when someone invites you to dinner, if you're asked to work late...If you don't have the mental capacity to give someone or something your time say no.
If it doesn't add to your life it's taking away from your life, so use your NO. You're entitled to it.
8. Look at yourself
Don't avoid mirrors, don't jump to ingrained criticisms and look at yourself. With clothes on and without.
You don't have to say anything; just a simple acknowledgement that this is your body, it serves you and it is enough.
Acknowledgement is the first step to acceptance. You don't have to be all body positive and start preaching in the first moment but looking at yourself and even trying to appreciate what you've got going on is a step forward.
A Note on Guilt, Women and Self-care
As much as I'd love you to throw this blog down and decide triumphantly 'I DESERVE MORE ME TIME' I'm well aware reality can work against us.
Us ladies work, have side hustles, give birth, juggle family and friends, keep the fridge fully stocked AND we're supposed to find an hour a day to sit and hum ourselves into serenity? It just doesn't happen like that, does it?
I understand, and I just wanted to finish this blog by reminding you that you can only do your best.
If you find an hour a week to sit in silence and read your favourite book, GO YOU.
If you manage 5 minutes a day on your lunch break to do a mini meditation, YOU ARE FABULOUS.
The purpose of this blog isn't to make you feel guilty or add another thing onto your to-do list.
This blog is here to remind you you're worth the self-care; to inform you it's a step you need to consider in the sex game, AND to give you permission to do you.